Troubled – DeeDee


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Dear DeeDee,

I’ve been having trouble at home and I don’t know who to go to. Being yelled at for every little thing by my mom, dad, almost everybody. I’m only human and I can only take so much stress with school and at home. I just at times need to blow off steam and vent but I’m not even allowed out of the house. So all my stress and emotional problems I keep inside. There isn’t any real “privacy” either. My mom thinks I’m an open book and she has no respect for my privacy either.
I share a room too with my little 9-year-old sister. She is more spoiled than Kim Kardashian!
What can I do about all the stress, being yelled at and hated on?

Troubled

 

Hello Troubled,
High school can be stressful enough, and all that added stress on top of that is not healthy for anyone. Conflict in the family can affect everyone’s functioning. You can handle your family problems by learning effective problem-solving skills. Plain and simple, the healthiest way to deal with anger is to take preventative measures. Avoid troublesome people and situations that will spike the rage. Regardless of this advice, though, if we are honest, sometimes emotions just get the better of us. Here are some helpful tips to help deal with family problems, and how to let off the steam.

1. Develop Healthy Problem-Solving
Try to schedule a time to talk as a group. It is important that you let your mom, dad and whoever else know about your stress and emotional problems you keep inside. Let your mom know (nicely) you would like more privacy. Facing and overcoming family problems can seem impossible. When you work together, however, resolving family differences becomes more doable. The first step towards resolution is agreeing that there is a problem in the first place. Then, once tempers are moderately cooled, everyone needs to plan to come together and devise a strategy to resolve the problem.

2. Focus on the issue at hand
When disagreements occur, people have a tendency to bring up any and every unresolved issue they have ever encountered with the other parties. This impedes conflict resolution and blurs the point of the discussion. It is imperative that you let them know how much the added stress is on your shoulders.

3. Validate and show respect for each person’s point of view/make a solution
Of course, your own opinions may differ greatly, but using validation demonstrates that you see the other as a human, worthy of integrity and respect. Once everyone has shared their needs, wants, and concerns, then strive for a compromise. Consider all the suggestions that each party has provided and look for a middle ground. Everyone present should feel good about the proposed solution.

4. Do mental exercises
Anger is, of course, an emotion and weighs heavily in the brain. Thus, using some think juice to set things straight is one of the most effective ways keep the gaskets from blowing. Oddly, it’s good to both distract yourself and, contrarily, to be mindful of why you are doing it.

5. Do interactive exercises
Therapists aren’t paid the big bucks for anything. It feels good to talk about what is bothering us, and sharing those emotions in a constructive way is important. Just because we’re angry doesn’t mean we have to keep it inside. We can paint, write or just have a chat with some trusted friend. Something I recommend is to write it. Start out quickly, scribbling every vile emotion that comes. Express your thoughts until the rational side of the mind takes over and stops the pen from screaming.

Following this advice may not completely solve your problems, but I hope it will lead you on the right track to a more stress-free life.

I hope this helps you.

I’m always here if you need me.

Sincerely,
DeeDee

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Troubled – DeeDee